No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
