im drinking this country out of the recession.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
