this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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