Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
