My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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