I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
