Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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