I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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