I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
