What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
