Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
