Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
