come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
