I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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