Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
