At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
