Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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