i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
