I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
