I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize