my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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