Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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