I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
