I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
