I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
