Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
