my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
