She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
