I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
