I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
