Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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