I'm really into asian looking animals
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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