she woke up with a sticky ear
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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