I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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