Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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