Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
