I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
