i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
