I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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