Quick, to the slutcave!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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