i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I look better un-naked...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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