Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
