Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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