she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
