we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
