I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
