Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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