...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I believe in your delicious
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
