What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
