Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
