So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
