best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
