hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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