On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
