so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
