Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
