either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Randomize
