i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
