Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
