i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
