You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
