a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
