I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
