I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
