i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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